One of my poems. Feel free to comment.

Short Stories and Poetry

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WraithAngel
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One of my poems. Feel free to comment.

Post by WraithAngel »

Humanity
By: Wraith


Goose stepping armys can see.
The death that is in store for thee.
Hate kills and never sees.
The truth that lies within the trees.
Mortal goals and mortal causes.
Life untainted by these stains.
Innocence of the hunter.
The life on which it feeds.
Then feeds the life in turn.
Never killing for foolish goals.
Or greed or petty lifes rewards.
Part of the circle can't you see?
Not the destroyers that are we.
The sad thing in life is not always dying, it's what dies inside of us when we are alive. (Anonymous)
WraithAngel
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Post by WraithAngel »

And yes bad input will not be punished with horrible nasty death. :twisted:
The sad thing in life is not always dying, it's what dies inside of us when we are alive. (Anonymous)
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pryjmaty
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Post by pryjmaty »

I liked it, but I usually don't comment on poetry simply because I'm not a poetry connoisseur. The images I get from reading poetry are usually opposit to what the author intended. Not sure what you intended for yours, but I first got an image of an army, filled with hate, killing civilians for the fun of it. Then, I pictures a starving man trying to kill a squirrel so he and his family would have food that day.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If god had wanted us to bend over, she would have put diamonds on the floor.
WraithAngel
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Post by WraithAngel »

Actually it kinda skipped around. It talks about well human BS then looks at the animal kingdom. IE nature. I dunno. Personally think it sucks but I've been told its good. Want someone to agree with me for once darn it. hEh
The sad thing in life is not always dying, it's what dies inside of us when we are alive. (Anonymous)
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pryjmaty
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Post by pryjmaty »

As I said, I really don't grasp poetry that well. The "hidden" message in alot of them completely escapes me.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If god had wanted us to bend over, she would have put diamonds on the floor.
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The Fallen
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Post by The Fallen »

Well to be really petty and small minded, using thee in the 2nd line then then switch to you near the bottom does really detract a bit. You started with a rhyme scheme and then tossed it?
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Oh sad is the world. but I have Kavorkian's scarf.
WraithAngel
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Post by WraithAngel »

Eh. Not particularly. I don't really think about what I write. Kinda just ummm falls out the way it is. hEh
And I have a penchant for breaking into old english from time to time.
The sad thing in life is not always dying, it's what dies inside of us when we are alive. (Anonymous)
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