Fickle is fate, and how it smiles/frowns on you

[Black Metallic]

So I went downtown Orlando tonight (monday) to go see an owner about starting a new night at his establishment. I get down there about 10:30pm, its totally dead (downtown and in this establishment). Im there for about 2 hours and after talking to the owner, tell him I'll get a CD from my car of a mix of music that I am proposing. I go to my car about a block away, and I hear "Brett, hey Brett". I turn and its my ex. I haven't seen her in oh six months. A few weeks ago I did a cleansing ritual to get rid of all the bad vibes from her and the assorted bad junk that went along with it. Ever since then, I've thought about her quite a bit - the opposite of what I intended. So she walked with me to my car, I got the cd, and walked back to the club. We talked for about an hour or more, and about 1am, left the club and I drove her to her car. We traded numbers, etc, the pleasantries. I can never forgive, nor can I condemn her for what happend between us, yet I am still stuck with this gut instinct to want. Not just her, but everything we had before, the good, the great, and the horrid.
Lets be friends she says, we were good friends. I've finally gotten my life together enough to not be devastated as I once was when it ended. I love her, and hate her. I don't trust her, and I never can. Betrayal, loathing, lust, and sacrifice all come to mind when I think of her and I.

I apologize if this is rambling - as I am a tiny bit tipsy from Newcastle, but I cannot think of a way to just get it out of my system. Never before have I felt as useless to rid myself of bad feelings/karma/kismet whatever you want to call it. Closure is a wonderful thing.


I left it as "Goodbye, It was really nice seeing you again". I said, as I hugged her and let her off at her car.

[MahoganyDawn]

Wow, I completely understand where you are coming from on that one. I've been without my ex since September and it's been a very difficult time. He just left one day, and I've not heard from him since. Things were not great before he left, but I thought they were fixable. Anyway... I had a lot to figure out and it's been really strange and difficult the past few months. Luckily I've made a lot of new and really great friends to help me through. If you need someone to commiserate with feel free to contact me. It gets better each passing day, but it's still really hard to cope with things like this. I have faith in you.