Objective: Shut Down Landover Baptist

JaNell · Post by **JaNell** » Thu Jan 08, 2004 1:11 am

These guys are trying to shut down Landover Baptist Church, home of Betty Bowers, America's Best Christian.

Is nothing sacred?!

Mistress Eve(L) · Post by **Mistress Eve(L)** » Thu Jan 08, 2004 1:53 am

That just might be the funniest thing I have ever read

Codeine Coma · Post by **Codeine Coma** » Thu Jan 08, 2004 4:13 am

Kids! Accept Jesus Christ as Your Lord and Savior and Get a Free PlayStation 2!

This offer is for children and teenagers only! It may not be used in conjunction with any other Landover Baptist salvation offer.

Hey kids! If your Mom and Dad didn't buy you a PlayStation 2 for Christmas, you can still get one FOR FREE! Have you ever heard of Jesus Christ? Well, He's heard of you! And He wants you to have all the cool toys your parents are too cheap to buy! In fact, the Lord Jesus is very upset with your parents that they didn't give you all the latest stuff that every kid in America deserves! And Jesus has got your back, because He is your homeboy! If you've never heard of Jesus, He is an invisible cloud-dwelling deity (infinite lives!) who loves you very much and wants nothing more than to give you a free PlayStation 2!

We here at Landover Baptist Church work full-time as servants of Jesus Christ, and He's told us about you and your predicament. He's also given us special instructions on how He wants us to deliver a new PlayStation 2 to your house. It's as easy as 1-2-3! Understand, Jesus cares WAY more about you than your parents EVER will! They will never love you as much as Jesus loves you! Always remember that. If you hate your parents because they didn't get you a PlayStation 2 for Christmas, He completely understands! He is totally down with that! In fact, lucky for you, in order to follow Him, you are actually required to hate your parents! Luke 14:26 says, "If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother...he cannot be my disciple." Pretty cool, huh? So, if you hate your parents, you are already halfway to becoming a True Christian™! Congratulations!

Here is what you need to do to get your free Play Station 2:

1. Tell Jesus that you hate your parents, and that you'd rather have Him for your Daddy. Ask Him to forgive your sins, and cover you with His blood (you'll see plenty of that splattered across your TV when you play your complimentary Grand Theft Auto 3 game!).

2. Find one of your Mom or Dad's credit cards (a blank check is even better!)

3. Call our church office and we will provide you with simple instructions on how to use your parents' credit card to charge a love offering over the phone. Don't worry if you can't find a credit card. We can teach you how to use one of your daddy's checks to do an automatic draft withdrawal (which will get you free shipping and an extra game disk!)

Please note: If your parents ask you where you got your new PlayStation 2, just tell them that your Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, delivered it to you via the U.S. Postal Service in exchange for your soul.

Still NOT SURE? Here's More:

Landover Baptist's PlayStation 2 comes with a complimentary modified version of the popular disk, Tony Hawk's Underground. You can upload Jesus' face into the game and automatically unlock all of the cheat codes to "God Mode," so that Jesus can win every single level and perform incredible grab-tricks, spins, flips and stunts!

:rofl:

Hahahahaha! :rofl:

iblis · Post by **iblis** » Thu Jan 08, 2004 8:58 am

Their modus operandi is simple: post articles that take good Christian values and twist them - beyond recognition - such that they look arrogant, hateful, or just idiotic.

No offense to any Christians on here, but in most cases, there isn't a lot of twisting necessary.

I wonder if the author of this article has ever heard about that other article in the U.S. Constitution; you know, the one that mentions a freedom of speech.

Besides, thanks to the good ole U.S. of A., we can always fall back on our right to parody. :mrgreen:

QueenOfTheFlock · Post by **QueenOfTheFlock** » Thu Jan 08, 2004 1:07 pm

I personally don't like Landover Baptist but not because they make me as a Christian look bad but because some of the things I have seen are in completely horrid taste such as the Matthew Shephard page they had a while back. It was just sad.

iblis · Post by **iblis** » Thu Jan 08, 2004 1:36 pm

I dunno, it's the horrid taste that makes the site so damn attractive.

junkie christ · Post by **junkie christ** » Thu Jan 08, 2004 1:58 pm

tom.. make a thread out of that. really,

Lost Traveler · Post by **Lost Traveler** » Thu Jan 08, 2004 2:42 pm

this is my fav

Lost Traveler · Post by **Lost Traveler** » Thu Jan 08, 2004 3:00 pm

hehe check out the mechandise section and the e-mail section (I cant tell if those are real or not but they are funny) :lol:

Reverend_ Hate · Post by **Reverend_ Hate** » Fri Jan 09, 2004 1:45 am

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!! That is hilarious, I laughed so hard cigarette smoke came out of my eyes.