The best way to flame someone online!

[Black Metallic]

http://www.pakin.org/complaint/


It is absolutely the best Example from that site:

I've been debating with myself over the last few weeks whether or not I should write this letter. Obviously, I outvoted myself and wrote it. I concluded I absolutely had to tell you that Mr. Black Metallic's henchmen should commit to a process that respects civil liberties, civil rights, and civil discourse. To get right down to it, if I hear Black's stooges say, "Black has been robbed of all he does not possess" one more time, I'm going to throw up. A good friend of mine once said that we should all tackle the multinational death machine that he is currently constructing. Amen to that! In fact, I even informed my friend that everything I've said so far is by way of introduction to the key point I want to make in this letter. My key point is that I suppose it's predictable, though terribly sad, that oppressive, inane psychopaths with stronger voices than minds would revert to lame-brained behavior. But Black's claims are based on hate. Hate, nonrepresentationalism, and an intolerance of another viewpoint, another way of life. I, hardheaded cynic that I am, can certainly suggest how Black ought to behave. Ultimately, however, the burden of acting with moral rectitude lies with Black himself.

(The merits of his pranks won't be discussed here, because they lack merit.) From a purely technical point of view, I am reminded of the quote, "His lieutenants are wanton incubi (literally!)." This comment is not as blasphemous as it seems, because in order to solve the big problems with Black, we must first understand these problems, and to understand them, we must disabuse him of the notion that he understands the difference between civilization and savagery. The combative boosterism I've been writing about is not primarily the fault of obnoxious marauders, nor of the unreasonable, damnable pseudo-intellectuals who engage in an endless round of finger pointing. It is the fault of Black Metallic. We can't stop him overnight. It takes time, patience and experience to comment on his opinions.

I have begged his deputies to step forth and help you reflect and reexamine your views on Black. To date, not a single soul has agreed to help in this fashion. Are they worried about how Black might retaliate? I once asked Black that question -- I am still waiting for an answer. In the meantime, let me point out that Black uses the very intellectual tools he criticizes, namely consequentialist arguments rather than arguments about truth or falsity. More to the point, I oppose his propositions because they are chthonic. I oppose them because they are vindictive. And I oppose them because they will hijack the word "pancreaticoduodenostomy" and use it to make serious dialogue difficult or impossible in the near future. As our society continues to unravel, more and more people will be grasping for straws, grasping for something to hold onto, grasping for something that promises to give them the sense of security and certainty that they so desperately need. These are the classes of people Black preys upon. My eventual goal for this letter is to replace today's chaos and lack of vision with order and a supreme sense of purpose. I'm counting on you for your support.

[JaNell]

If you are stimulated by new ideas, and if you can think for yourself rather than simply accept what JaNell dishes out, I think you will find this letter of interest. You see, I, hardheaded cynic that I am, decidedly believe that I cannot simply sit idly by while what I call macabre brutes condemn innocent people to death. And because of that belief, I'm going to throw politeness and inoffensiveness to the winds. In this letter, I'm going to be as rude and crude as I know how, to reinforce the point that JaNell's revenge fantasies are not pedantic treatises expressing theories or extravaganzas dealing in fables or fancies. They are substantial, sober outpourings from the very soul of post-structuralism. Developing a policy of inclusion will not be easy, because if one accepts the framework I've laid out here, it follows that she thinks that the rest of us are an inferior group of people, fit only to be enslaved, beaten, and butchered at the whim of our betters. Of course, thinking so doesn't make it so. You do not need to be smarmy to know that JaNell's smear tactics are a crazy-quilt patchwork of the most ungrateful classes of masochism you'll ever see. So I give you this letter. I hope it helps.

[Mercurygriffin]

I've tried to keep quiet, but I just can't hold it in any longer. I have to tell everyone that Lord Mercury (Fuck all of you) Griffin equates non-cooperation and solitariness with individuality. I would like to start by discussing Lord Griffin's publications, mainly because they scare me. The thing I'm the most frightened about is that we are a nation of prostitutes. By this I mean that as long as we are fat, warm, and dry we don't care what Lord Griffin does. It is precisely that lack of caring that explains why Lord Griffin presents himself as a disinterested classicist lamenting the infusion of politically motivated methods of pedagogy and analysis into higher education. He is eloquent in his denunciation of modern scholarship, claiming it favors the most gloomy spoiled brats I've ever seen. And here we have the ultimate irony, because if he had done his homework, he'd know that he says that everyone would be a lot safer if he were to monitor all of our personal communications and financial transactions -- even our library records. Why on Earth does he need to monitor our library records? Well, while you're deliberating over that, let me ask you another question: Whatever happened to his sense of humanity? Now, not to bombard you with too many questions, but he maintains a "Big Brother" dossier of information about everyone he distrusts, to use as a potential weapon. Is your name listed in that dossier? I don't pretend to know the answer, but I do know that if we don't remove the Mercury (Fuck all of you) Griffin threat now, it will bite us in our backside in a matter of days. Lord Griffin's newsgroup postings are based on hate. Hate, neopaganism, and an intolerance of another viewpoint, another way of life. Take a good, close look at yourself, Lord Griffin. What you'll probably find is that you're unimaginative. My real point here is that he is entirely gung-ho about absenteeism because he lacks more pressing soapbox issues.

The simple, regrettable truth is that his manifestos are a mere cavil, a mere scarecrow, one of the last shifts of a desperate and dying cause. Pardon my coarse language, but one could truthfully say that whenever Lord Griffin finds himself confronted by the law, he insists it needs reforming. But saying that would miss the real point, which is that several things he has said have brought me to the boiling point. The statement of his that made the strongest impression on me, however, was something to the effect of how arriving at a true state of comprehension is too difficult and/or time-consuming. My love for people necessitates that I stop this insanity. Yes, I face opposition from Lord Griffin. However, this is not a reason to quit but to strive harder.

If one needs a sign that he is prissy, consider that if I were to compile a list of his forays into espionage, sabotage, and subversion, it would fill an entire page and perhaps even run over onto the following one. Such a list would surely make every sane person who has passed the age of six realize that Lord Griffin has gotten away with so much for so long that he's lost all sense of caution, all sense of limits. If you think about it, only a man without any sense of limits could desire to lobotomize everyone caught thinking an independent thought. Tell him that he assigns blame to everyone but himself, and you'll hear a loud "clang!" as his mind slams shut. He doesn't want to hear that. He doesn't want to believe that I do not have the time, in one sitting, to go into the long answer as to why he is hell-bent on suppressing our freedom. But the short answer is that it would not be out of character for him to consign our traditional values to the rubbish heap of Maoism. Let me rephrase that: He enjoys the sense of control that comes from forcing someone else to do things the way he wants them done. If you find that fact distressing then you should help me ensure that we survive and emerge triumphant out of the coming chaos and destruction. Either that, or you can crawl into a corner and lament that you got yourself born in the wrong universe. Don't expect your sobbing to do much good, however, because Lord Griffin should think about how his stances lead ribald brutes to force us to tailor our criticisms just to suit his birdbrained whims. If Lord Griffin doesn't want to think that hard, perhaps he should just keep quiet. But this is something to be filed away for future letters. At present, I wish to focus on only one thing: the fact that I will not play his dangerous games and make our lives a living hell just like he does. To cap that off, it would be charitable of me not to mention that it's about time the public realized that they are being hornswoggled by him and his operatives. Fortunately, I am not beset by a spirit of false charity, so I will instead maintain that his provocateurs contend that his ideals prevent smallpox. I say to them, "Prove it" -- not that they'll be able to, of course, but because I am decidedly not up on the latest gossip. Still, I have heard people say that to the extent that my own age and health will permit, I will take the initiative to insist on a policy of zero tolerance toward parasitism. I'll say that again, because I want it to sink in: I undoubtedly don't want to have to hear Lord Griffin's rambling streams of consciousness.

Lord Griffin has, on a number of occasions, expressed a desire to push all of us to the brink of insanity. On all of these occasions, I submitted to the advice of my friends, who assured me that I'm sure he seriously believes that he answers to no one, seeing how his selective memory works. Well, that's getting away from my main topic, which is that Lord Griffin's positions are based on a technique I'm sure you've heard of. It's called "lying". For your edification, I should point out that if Lord Griffin believes that Fabianism is a be-all, end-all system that should be forcefully imposed upon us, then it's obvious why he thinks that black is white and night is day. Before I continue, let me state that he does, occasionally, make a valid point. But when he says that all any child needs is a big dose of television every day, that's where the facts end and the ludicrousness begins.

I have no idea why Mercury (Fuck all of you) Griffin wannabees have sprouted across the country like mushrooms after a downpour. That sounds really peevish, but I unequivocally aver that it's an accurate assessment of the situation. Never have I seen such a gross error in judgment as his decision to defy the law of the land. We are at a crossroads. One road leads into the light of a bright, shining future in which soulless, flighty fruitcakes like Lord Griffin are completely absent. The other road leads into the darkness of separatism. The question, therefore, is: Who's driving the bus? This isn't such an easy question to answer, but let me take a stab at it: I cannot believe how many actual, physical, breathing, thinking people have fallen for Lord Griffin's subterfuge. I'm utterly stunned. I think I've dished it out to Lord Mercury (Fuck all of you) Griffin as best as I can in this letter. I hope you now understand why I say that anti-intellectualism is, at its core, a surly system that seeks to censor by caricature and preempt discussion by stereotype.And I mean it all too.