BINGHAMTON, N.Y. (Feb. 3) - Looking for a little something special for your valentine? How about a hissing cockroach? That's the suggestion from the folks at the Ross Park Zoo in Binghamton, N.Y.

The zoo is running a Valentine's Day adoption program called "Give Your Beauty a Beast.''

For ten bucks, you can adopt a hissing cockroach for your sweetheart. The adoption includes a photo, cockroach fact sheet and a free pass for your special friend to visit the little hisser.

If a roach doesn't say "I love you,'' the zoo has some romantic alternatives. There's a bearded dragon, a black vulture and a bleeding heart dove.

Just north of the Pennsylvania border along Interstate 81 lies the rural county of Broome. Nestled in this pastoral land of rolling hills are the thoroughly depressing and wholey boring cites of Endicott, Johnson City and Binghamton, known as the Triple Cities. Their biggest claims to fame are: being the birthplace of IBM, EJ Shoes (EJ = Endicott/Johnson), and Singer-Link. It is known as the "Carousel Capital" because there are 10 old-fashioned carousels scattered around the county, one of them at the Ross Park Zoo. Oh, and Rod Serling, creator of the original Twilight Zone was born there and graduated from Binghamton High School. I was born in Johnson City and raised in the small town of Maine, NY. Ross Park Zoo, the zoo mentioned in the news story about adopting a hissing cockroach for valentine's day, was the first zoo I ever went to as a small child. I have memories of riding the miniature train, riding the carousel and cutting the shit out of my finger because I ran my hand along a chain link fence with briars along it. I was probably about 5 years old when that happened.

If you ever get a chance to go: don't! Winter lasts from Labor Day thru the Fourth of July. I'm not kidding. July 4th and we were all bundled in coats to watch fireworks. It rains all the time, all day, every day, month after month, kind of like Ferenginar. Binghamton, the largest of these puny cities, has one skyscraper and it's tiny even by Knoxville skyline standards. Last time I was there, I asked a guy where to go for some night life, thinking he'd point out a club in the city. He said, "New York City or Syracuse." A girl at Hot Topic at the Oakdale Mall there, when asked, "Where does the goth crowd hang out in Binghamton?" answered, "Ithica!" (another city hours away.)

Broome County: birth place of boredom, malaise, bizarre people (me and Rod Serling, just two examples) and rain, rain, rain. Only they would suggest a cockroach as a valentine's day gift.

I saw that on CNN, and if someone ever gave me a bug, they'd be getting a swift kick in the balls!

Oh, sure, dis my gift before I even get it for you... now what am I supposed to get you for valentine's day? Ruin my plans...

to all the lovers in the world::
prove your love to your other
kill yourself

junkie, your way too negative today...or is that a common thing...

Oh, sure, dis my gift before I even get it for you... now what am I supposed to get you for valentine's day? Ruin my plans...

I thought that was what I was good at...ruining "your plans"