The Random Junkie Christ thread worked its way into a LadyIvanna advice column on how to deal with disorderly children so i thought we just needed to have a dear Ivanna thread and give JC his thread back. So here goes, if ya need to know how to make your kids listen, or you just need to know how to get that "stuff" outta silk undies ask the most DOM-estic woman on the planet.

I got one!

Ivanna,
Ivanna is it odd, that I have no intentions on marrying, or having children? Many have differant opinions on this, espically where I live. Please help.

Sincerly,
Soon to be old non-cat lady

dear ivanna,
my mother says that since she met this guy named hermes ghonashipilade (hes french. damn dirty french) that it burns when she pees.
any advice to perhaps how and why it burns when she pees?
as a good son, i want to help her but theres only so much i can do..........
love
JC
8===========D ~~~~:bulb:

ROFLMFAO!!!!!! I got a phone call about this today while I was at work. This is tooooooo fucking funny!!!

OK....yes, this is in the dumpster, but......do I give fuct up advice or serious.....hmmmm...mebbe a wee bit of both. Heh, heh, heh......beware!

Worry not, I'll answer in due time....just need to process this.

Coor wrote:I got one!

Ivanna,
Ivanna is it odd, that I have no intentions on marrying, or having children? Many have differant opinions on this, espically where I live. Please help.

Sincerly,
Soon to be old non-cat lady

No, m'dear, I don't think it's odd at all....NOT ALL females are meant to breed and be all domestic and shit....heh, what would the world be without crazy old ladies?????
Who would traumatize the children by throwing rocks at them and shaking their cane at them???? You go girl......you BE a crazy old lady.....I'll send my grandchildren over there for you to torture after I feed them milk and cookies.

Junkie, you're being a penis.

Dear Ivanna,

I am confused everyday. I think its just hormones....... first I have one problem then I have another. Misc. problems- emotional and physical- keep coming in and out of my mind. First it's....." oh no! I can't find my hair brush!'... Then I get to school and it's......" oh no! If I have have any more absences we could have court issues....... I worry about secrets I haven't told......things I haven't done.......Things I have done and should or shouldn't be proud of.......
Just too many thoughts in and out of my head like it's a highway inter section. when a wreck occurs......I cry. I don't ever like to cry. I don't know why I just don't like to cry unless i am under severe pressure. can you explain this crap? sorry.........

Sincerely,
Teen in distress with bad headache

Dear Ivanna,

How does one get over an ex that he is still slightly obsessed with (no he doesnt stalk her, he actually avoids her trying to get her out of his head)

junkie christ wrote:dear ivanna,
my mother says that since she met this guy named hermes ghonashipilade (hes french. damn dirty french) that it burns when she pees.
any advice to perhaps how and why it burns when she pees?
as a good son, i want to help her but theres only so much i can do..........
love
JC
8===========D ~~~~:bulb:

does it smell like tuna???? If so...she needs to get ot a Dr....could be a UTI or STD!!!!

Snap Dragon wrote:Dear Ivanna,

I am confused everyday. I think its just hormones....... first I have one problem then I have another. Misc. problems- emotional and physical- keep coming in and out of my mind. First it's....." oh no! I can't find my hair brush!'... Then I get to school and it's......" oh no! If I have have any more absences we could have court issues....... I worry about secrets I haven't told......things I haven't done.......Things I have done and should or shouldn't be proud of.......
Just too many thoughts in and out of my head like it's a highway inter section. when a wreck occurs......I cry. I don't ever like to cry. I don't know why I just don't like to cry unless i am under severe pressure. can you explain this crap? sorry.........

Sincerely,
Teen in distress with bad headache

OK....before I can post a logical answer to this......how old are you? I do know you are young, but I'm not sure how young....also, have you begun your period yet.....oh go fuck yourselves if you get grossed out by that.....females bleed....getthefuckusedtoit!!!!!!

Rose and Thorns wrote:Dear Ivanna,

How does one get over an ex that he is still slightly obsessed with (no he doesnt stalk her, he actually avoids her trying to get her out of his head)

You do just like I did.....you ignore the 'attactment' feeling and FORCE yourself to date others.....the person you are obsessing over IS NOT the world....yes, it hurts like fucking hell....but, you CANNOT obsess over one person!! Start dating again....eventhough you might think of your ex the whole time....begin branching out....expanding yourself!!! Begin to learn about yourself and get to the place where you are comfy with yourself and don't need anyone else in your life to feel complete.....if you cannot get to the point that you are a complete person alone.....jump off a very tall building and provide amusement for the rest of the world.

Ivanna,
If I throw a baseball southeast at a 60 degree angle from the ground on a day when the temperature is 72 degrees F. and the wind is blowing at 2.07mph at 3:17 in the afternoon, and i just painted my toenails blue, will it hit the neighbor's window?


awe, roseandthorns, dont jump off a building, you get over them eventually some sooner and easier than others. But you always have Ivanna's warped sense of humor to brighten your day. she has kept me amused for years!

Yes, I was just kidding about the jumping off a building comment. I suppose that I do need to keep in mind that alot on here don't know me very well.

Dear Ivanna,
Is it wrong that I hate my ex but I let him think I miss him desparately just so he will have a hard time?

Dear Ivanna,

I have a slight swelling in a lower abdominal area. They say it's just normal but I don't know. Could you possibly have yourself or perhaps a "nurse" of some kind come check it out?

Sincerely,
Penile Corruption

scarecrow wrote:Dear Ivanna,

I have a slight swelling in a lower abdominal area. They say it's just normal but I don't know. Could you possibly have yourself or perhaps a "nurse" of some kind come check it out?

Sincerely,
Penile Corruption

Ligeia: NOW THATS BEING A PENIS.... hehe

scarecrow wrote:Dear Ivanna,

I have a slight swelling in a lower abdominal area. They say it's just normal but I don't know. Could you possibly have yourself or perhaps a "nurse" of some kind come check it out?

Sincerely,
Penile Corruption

Oh good lord....*chuckles*

Junkie, agreed.