Ha ha...wow. I have never seen cinema soil itself so many times in a row.

http://www.g-films.com/preview.html

I showed some friends this movie, and a couple of them decided to watch your avatar instead, iblis.

beats the hell out of walker texas ranger.

Mr Clock wrote:beats the hell out of walker texas ranger.

what are you talking about? chuck norise is the shit!



Chuck Norris, like dogs, can smell fear.

Everytime you litter, Chuck Norris cries, then he'll roundhouse kick your grandma.

When Chuck Norris poops, it causes mud slides in Mexico.

If Superman and the Flash were to race to the egde of space you know who would win: Chuck Norris.

Oil prices only go up when Chuck Norris is thirsty.

Chuck Norris doesnt step on toes, he steps on necks.

Chuck Norris never lost his virginity because he was born without one.
Chuck Norris wore jeans so tight his wife became sterile.

The very first CSI was going to be titled "CSI: Chuck Norris", but there was no crime scenes and no investigating. Just Chuck Norris kicking ass and being totally awsome. So they renamed it Walker, TR.

If at first you don't succeed, you're obviously not Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

The Dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. ONCE.

When Chuck Norris goes to sleep he has the night light on. Not because Chuck Norris is a afraid of the dark but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized,
Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't Bubb Rubb with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse, horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till."
After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris only masterbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium

Did you know there are like twelve friggin' pages of Chuck Norris jokes?

My favorites so far are...

Chuck Norris' roundhouse is so powerful, it can alter your DNA. Years from now, your decendants will suddenly clutch their heads in pain and ask "What the fuck was that?"

Some folks wear Superman pajamas, Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Superman watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger, then cried himself to sleep.

You know Chuck Norris is 1/8 Native American. It's not genetic, it's because he ate a fucking Indian!

Chuck Norris invented Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles by swallowing a baby turtle whole. When he shit him out, the turtle was 6 feet tall, spoke english and knew karate.

karmakaze wrote:

Mr Clock wrote:beats the hell out of walker texas ranger.

what are you talking about? chuck norise is the shit!



Chuck Norris, like dogs, can smell fear.

Everytime you litter, Chuck Norris cries, then he'll roundhouse kick your grandma.

When Chuck Norris poops, it causes mud slides in Mexico.

If Superman and the Flash were to race to the egde of space you know who would win: Chuck Norris.

Oil prices only go up when Chuck Norris is thirsty.

Chuck Norris doesnt step on toes, he steps on necks.

Chuck Norris never lost his virginity because he was born without one.
Chuck Norris wore jeans so tight his wife became sterile.

The very first CSI was going to be titled "CSI: Chuck Norris", but there was no crime scenes and no investigating. Just Chuck Norris kicking ass and being totally awsome. So they renamed it Walker, TR.

If at first you don't succeed, you're obviously not Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

The Dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. ONCE.

When Chuck Norris goes to sleep he has the night light on. Not because Chuck Norris is a afraid of the dark but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized,
Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't Bubb Rubb with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse, horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till."
After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris only masterbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium

Ah, dammit.

A Chuck Norris T-shirt for you guys...


http://tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=590

karmakaze wrote:

Mr Clock wrote:beats the hell out of walker texas ranger.

what are you talking about? chuck norise is the shit!

vin diesel could kick his ass.

when vin diesel drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.

if you rearrange the letters in vin diesel it reveals his credo: "i end lives."

vin diesel was scheduled to be stalone's stunt double in rambo, but he was replaced after refusing to wearing a parachute when jumping from the plane.

there is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures vin diesel allows to live.

crop circles are vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

when vin diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

there is no "i" in team. there are two "i"s in vin diesel. fuck you, team.

when vin diesel was born, the nurse said, "holy crap! that's vin diesel!" then she had had sex with him. at that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

in an average living room there are 1,242 objects vin diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.

vin diesel coined the phrase, "i could eat a horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.

vin diesel has always been able to find waldo, except for one time. he found himself stumped on the last page of where's waldo now?, not being able to find the waldo without a shoe. he threw the book down and screamed, "this is bullshit!" they're all wearing shoes." he then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "if i can't find waldo, then no one can!" the book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. the child began to cry and vin ate him for good measure. the incident has since been refered to as christmas.

vin diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. there were no survivors.

vin diesel is the reason why waldo is hiding.

vin diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.

vin diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

when vin diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. the water gets vin instead.

vin diesel once beat super mario bros 3 without even touching his nintendo controller. he just yelled at his tv in between bites of his "filet of child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

vin diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. at night.

vin diesel doesn't believe in rubber condoms. instead, he sticks his penis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while fucking another.

vin diesel was the hunter who shot bambi's mother. he then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital.

if you were to lock vin diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the grammy's. when asked why he doesn't do this vin replied "because grammy's are for queers." then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

you are what you eat. that is why vin diesel's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

in fine print at on the last page of the guiness book of world records it notes that all world records are held by vin diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.

vin diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.

the eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when vin diesel punched himself in the face.

vin diesel can divide by zero.

vin diesel played russian roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.

on his birthday, vin diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

it takes 14 puppeteers to make vin diesel smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

vin diesel invented black. in fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. except pink. tom cruise invented pink.

vin diesel once sprayed axe deodorant body spray in his eye to save money on car insurance.

vin diesel put the "d" in the middle of "wednesday".

vin diesel refuses to drive any vehicle with that gets more than 8 miles per gallon.

have you ever danced with vin diesel in the pale moonlight? vin diesel has.

vin deisel plans to repair the hole in the ozone once he finds a dirtbike that can jump high enough.

vin diesel's morning breath is widely regarded cross-culturally as a weapon of mass destruction.

the name 'vin' comes from the latin meaning of 'he who has fucking awesomeness'. the name diesel comes from a mcdonalds happy meal toy of the hamburglar and means 'made in south korea'.

vin diesel is responsible for the direct visibility of keira knightley’s nipple on page 168 in the october 2005 issue of esquire.

the adhesive on the back of all post-it notes is actually vin diesel's semen.

rumor has it that this site was originally created with random facts about sean connery, but vin diesel hacked into the site and switched each name with his own.

vin diesel is actually five men, all of whom share the same soul. if any one of them ever comes face to face with another, they are required by the laws of fate to totally rock the fuck out. the last time this cosmic event occurred, atlantis sank beneath the sea forever. it was worth it.

vin diesel created earth as an expansion pack to command & conquer.

vin diesel was once called to japan to help with their godzilla problem. since vin's solution was to simply kill godzilla single-handedly, the plot of the movie was changed to allow for sequels, and the phrase "based on the true story" was dropped from all advertising.

vin diesel asked himself one question. and yes, he did feel lucky. he then proceeded to disembowel clint eastwood. and his mother.

in the event of a water landing, vin diesel can be used as a flotation device.

vin diesel, whose nickname is "cain," had a younger brother named abel. and i highly stress "had."

the great depression was actually caused when vin diesel forgot to sign one of his checks.

if vin diesel falls down in the woods and no one is around to hear it, he will find the nearest person and accurately reconstruct the noise he made as he fell.

vin diesel is capable of winning an oscar but, humans need to evolve for another 12,546 years before we can fully understand and appreciate such a performance.

vin diesel's image is hidden in every attraction at walt disney world.

vin diesel loves saunas. in fact vin has one in his very own house which he uses every day. it's called his fireplace.

after twenty-nine years of thorough research, it was discovered that mr. t was actually the product of a year long affair between vin diesel and chewbacca.

vin diesel doesn't have a computer. just a basement full of asian kids that memorize numbers.

vin diesel lost his virginity to hillary duff

the little aim man is running from vin diesel.

vin diesel also single-handedly led the jews out of egypt, thereby ending their terrible life of servitude.

he built a full-size replica of the parthenon out of sugar cubes. it melted in the rain 2 days later. 13 virgins were sacrificed to calm his anger.

vin diesel's regular breakfast at denny's consists of 87 fried eggs, 764 slices of ham, 1240 sausage links, and a side order of corey feldman.

the angels still say that when vin diesel invented time, god was so touched that he wrote the bible as a love letter.

the only thing that sucks more than being vin diesel, is not being vin diesel.

we have nothing to fear but fear itself. fear has nothing to fear but vin diesel.

vin diesel can eat a piece of coal and shit out a diamond.

vin diesel is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.

spelling vin diesel backwards out loud will reverse the rotation of the earth.

sad thing is i have almost 1000 entries for chuck norris at this point.
http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com has most of them.

chuck norris is no bruce lee

lucidpandora wrote:chuck norris is no bruce lee

bruce the juice!

iblis wrote:

lucidpandora wrote:chuck norris is no bruce lee

bruce the juice!

And neither is brandon lee, for that matter.









My god, laser mission sucked cock.

B_Ko wrote:

iblis wrote:

lucidpandora wrote:chuck norris is no bruce lee

bruce the juice!

And neither is brandon lee, for that matter.
My god, laser mission sucked cock.

laser mission was one of those movies that sucked so badly, it was hilarious. perfect MST3K fodder...

iblis wrote:

B_Ko wrote:

iblis wrote:

lucidpandora wrote:chuck norris is no bruce lee

bruce the juice!

And neither is brandon lee, for that matter.
My god, laser mission sucked cock.

laser mission was one of those movies that sucked so badly, it was hilarious. perfect MST3K fodder...

You know that part in the beginning where he's talking to those cia guys about the cuban laser mission and shit? It took me five minutes longer than normal to get through that part because any time anyone said any noun or verb i'd pause it and shout "LASER [noun/verb]!" Jolly fun iindeed.