A new child is born(Poetic thoughts of my Insanity)

Codeine Coma · Post by **Codeine Coma** » Tue Jul 01, 2003 8:00 am

Hello all. I have gathered enough stem and nerve to attempt to
explain my thoughts on this morning of rain. And if I lost you on that first sentence,its OK,I just want to let you know you would probably be better off reading something else. But,for the curious and unstable...Please stay.Of course all is welcome.Just be warned ...your IQ may drop alittle after reading this.
(I am a paranoid one)
Sometimes I think to myself,what is true? What is Fantasy? I ponder and ponder this never ending question. You see,I have found that it is better to waste life away by pondering unanswerable questions and driving myself and those around me insane. I once thought I had it all figured out. Truth was what was told to me by my parents,the bible,and significant other authority figures. And Fantasy(or lies)was what I thought was correct most of the time.Life was pleasant then.All was calm. I accepted life as I was told to.
Then it all changed. Right about the same time as puberty,I stumbled upon a artist named Jim Morrison. And Jim and I had many of fine nights together. But,along with Jim came his idea's. And soon I found myself taking drugs and doing acid. (Note to parents:The Doors music did not lead to this...My insanity and insecurity did) And along with the use of drugs...I started to "expand my mind"which as you can tell did not work very well. So I became to question my own existance. Such questions as"How do I know I am alive"and"Is this all a dream"began to plague me daily. And as I questioned myself,I realized that I do not know the answers. I had learned in school that the human mind can operate for up to 5 to 10minutes after death. Now,I do not know about yourselves,but,I have had dreams that lasted for only 2 or 3 minutes that seemed like forever. So,If I can have a dream that lasts for 3minutes and it seems to last forever...Who's to say 5minutes could not be a lifetime? And then I learned about the possibilities of ghosts. What this introduced me to,was the concept of ghosts not knowing they are dead. So as most dumb kids with good imaginations would,my wheels started to turn."If I cannot tell when I have died...And my Brain can last in a dreamstate for up to 10minutes...How can I truely know I am alive?"I would ask myself this daily..and to this day I still do.
So years later I end up going to see a psychiatrist because,I am having panic attacks from these never ending questions. They tell me..I have a panic disorder and agoraphobia. And blame most of my problems on my childhood. (I had a rough one just ask around) And now I am on 125mgs of Seroquel and 300mgs of Zoloft. And to a degree,as sane as I once thought I was....I now feel insane. And yes the question still looms..."How do you know you are alive?"

Mail me if you want to hear more...Because I am a newbie to this and I do not feel the need to fully disgrace myself ...yet. Hence a child is Born. Hello all! :coffee:

Mother Mo · Post by **Mother Mo** » Wed Jul 02, 2003 12:16 am

Welcome to KG, baby. Live and play happily among the fellow freaks. Answers may never come, but enjoy the pleasant company which is offered, and find gratitude in that.

Mercurygriffin · Post by **Mercurygriffin** » Wed Jul 02, 2003 12:41 am

Congrats on making the first step to being with the other fraeks, geeks,goths,punks,and most of all lunatics.

MahoganyDawn · Post by **MahoganyDawn** » Wed Jul 02, 2003 4:55 am

Hi there! Welcome to our lil corner of cyber space...

Nemesis · Post by **Nemesis** » Wed Jul 02, 2003 4:59 am

The Fallen · Post by **The Fallen** » Wed Jul 02, 2003 6:49 am

err hi

Jack · Post by **Jack** » Wed Jul 02, 2003 10:42 am

It is a lot easier to read long posts when you follow the convention of putting one space after a comma, like this, and two spaces after a period. Like this.

junkie christ · Post by **junkie christ** » Wed Jul 02, 2003 1:23 pm

i liked it.
:rock:

kinda like listening to a guy on acid ramble

Deucalion · Post by **Deucalion** » Wed Jul 02, 2003 1:45 pm

I thought you put one space after a period.

creapyrob · Post by **creapyrob** » Wed Jul 02, 2003 2:02 pm

Deucalion wrote:I thought you put one space after a period.

MLA format is 2. The for technical writing its 1 or 2. And some other like pure science calls for 1 space.

When I first saw the post all I could think of was "Sure Pat I'd like to buy a space." I can't even read that.

Deucalion · Post by **Deucalion** » Wed Jul 02, 2003 2:12 pm

I'll be damned.

Jack · Post by **Jack** » Wed Jul 02, 2003 3:14 pm

junkie christ wrote:kinda like listening to a guy on acid ramble

...and that's a good thing?

I wouldn't recommend LSD to anybody, ever. There are even legal psychedelics that do the same thing only much better, let alone illegal things like mushrooms.

Dennis Hopper put it best: "Dropping acid is like dropping IBM." And that's the damn truth. Oh, sure, you can use it to re-write your braincode, but it's like editing a manuscript with a flamethrower.

And I'll never forget one of the last times I took it, at the end of the trip I couldn't sleep because my mind wouldn't stop running in Windows 95 mode.

Hardcoregirl · Post by **Hardcoregirl** » Wed Jul 02, 2003 6:39 pm

Jack wrote:
junkie christ wrote:kinda like listening to a guy on acid ramble

...and that's a good thing?

Yeah..I quit that shit for a reason....lol...

Mother Mo · Post by **Mother Mo** » Wed Jul 02, 2003 7:07 pm

Can you even see the forest for all these damn trees?

Pass me my soap box, please.
This thread was started by my man, who just a few years ago had a complete and total nervous break down. Since then, he doesn't do public places at all, nor can he handle riding in cars, or various other things that trigger his panic attacks, agorophobia, dissociative disorder, or O.C.D. to kick in. These days he is heavily medicated, and just starting to feel comfortable with communicating on line (ergo not a master typist).
I have encouraged him to become active on this forum in particular because the atmosphere is usually so friendly, it's a compatible goth motiff, and he actually knows several of you from the old Mercury and Neptune days. I truly appreciate those of you who have had the good manners to not attack a stranger (especially one who comes with his vulnerabilites out), and have instead kept with the KG tradition of welcoming newcomers. Prehaps the post would have worked better in the "I'm new here" arena, but frankly, I'm just glad he's getting involved. As for the rudeness, it's always nice to know the true nature of an individual, so, much obliged!
Please forgive my protective nature as well as any typos.

Codeine Coma · Post by **Codeine Coma** » Wed Jul 02, 2003 11:23 pm

Ok,let me say one thing. (Space for the Grammer Nazis) I wrote this post as a question and a hello. (Space for the Fascist master typers) I have edited it for those who felt they could not read it. (a space just because) But, as I said "If I lost you with that first line etc. al...". That meant no one was obligated to read it and to be honest I am glad I was able to change the subject for awhile from the whole "What music should the DJ's play". (Because,to me, that whole topic was rather pointless) But,that will probably be my next post. (example:"Backseat DJ'ing : the life of the angry ) But,anyways,enough of that. To all the people that said hello...I bow. ::Bows:: To all those who seemed to have gotten offended...Hello as well. :lurkkill:

I love you too Mother Mo!!!

Mercurygriffin · Post by **Mercurygriffin** » Wed Jul 02, 2003 11:43 pm

i love my peeps and im glad to see them making an effort at least to welcome another peep. and yes im not captializing on perpose to show how dumb that was. and i still do my acid. all weaklings must leave the room.

iblis · Post by **iblis** » Thu Jul 03, 2003 12:09 am

Jack wrote:
junkie christ wrote:kinda like listening to a guy on acid ramble

...and that's a good thing?

I wouldn't recommend LSD to anybody, ever. There are even legal psychedelics that do the same thing only much better, let alone illegal things like mushrooms.

Legal psychedelics?

Imp · Post by **Imp** » Thu Jul 03, 2003 12:58 am

Hi!

And you don't know that you're alive. And that doesn't matter. What matters is to enjoy it; alive or dead, awake or asleep. Revel in the sensations that come with this existence, even if it is just a dream. There is joy to be found everywhere, if you can bring yourself to take joy in everything- including the lack of sufficient answers. There is joy to be found at both the height of ecstasy and the depths of despair. Note that I do not say happiness. I take profound joy in being here, whether here is a dream or not. PM me if you want, I can go on with this for ages.

creapyrob · Post by **creapyrob** » Thu Jul 03, 2003 2:16 am

Hey,

I just took this as a random troll post. Sorry dude.

Howdy.

Jack · Post by **Jack** » Thu Jul 03, 2003 11:01 am

iblis wrote:Legal psychedelics?

Yep. There are a ton of them.

For starters, the organic form of DMT - MDMT - is still legal, as far as I know. It has the exact same effect. (DMT was the preferred drug of Terrence McKenna and many others; it puts you into a very intense psychedelic state for about 30-45 minutes and then wears off quickly.)

Also, 5-MEO-DiPT - aka "Foxy" - is legal. It's way better than acid.

Also, Bufotenin - toad venom - can be ordered.

What else... oh yeah, Salvia Divinorum, which puts your mind into a REM state while awake. You used to be able to buy that at Whatever, but they probably had to stop selling it, since it's pretty darn powerful stuff when it's fresh.

I don't know if JV Poisonous Non-Consumables is still in business, but they used to have an huge catalogue of all this stuff.

You can order pure pharmaceutical grade Foxy from a pharmacy in China for roughly $1-$2 a dose, which makes it far cheaper than illegal psychedelics, not to mention far safer.