Br o ken UP

[Aerick Ravenheart]

Momentary relapse
spent pause unwind
mouth positioned
on another in time
recollections unfolding
a past now remembered
uncaring undeniably cruel
features twisted like
your blackened heart
Segmented silence
before the bitter anguish
despair and heartache
Torn apart and ripped
into tortured and blundered
Who among the others
will seek refuge in my domain
sinners whores theives
not an angel like you
but you lost your wings
didnt you my dear
fallen ever so gracefully
into the arms of another
lover and friend
sorrow rules my mind
and haunts me to no end
will the pain ever subside
I've got to get out of here
get away from all that once
was and is.....still
I ran with a sprinting leap
across the yard and past
the church where we met
and first made love
do you remember that time
oh well doesn't really matter
though
Carved initials and butterflies
I felt your thighs as my eyes
met with the saddened
hollow pupils of Christ
isn't this nice
memories of what once was
but you fucked that all up
didn't you angel
princess
sweetheart
darling
baby
Slut
Whore
Cunt
Bitch
things I'll never call you
I'll never call you again
I'm hanging up
hello?...I'm sorry
we must be breaking up
just like us
brok en up
Hello?....well, whatever
just never mind
goodbye

[onesilverhand]

reply:

I (sigh)

Baroquen Notes: he said

Broken oats? she said

And they lived incommunicata ever after.

*******

Your piece starts out a little confusing. It jumps around and has some vague references, probably known only to those intimately involved. That's not BAD, it just makes an outsider of the reader.
Perhaps it just accentuates the feeling of being broken , broken up ...into little fragmented pieces... which gives more impact to the ending.

RE:"I'm sorry we must be breaking up" ... NICE... VERY NICE ... a deft touch on the double meaning, and so very well symbolizes the inability to communicate.

I (sigh)

[TheLustfulElf]

absolutely beautiful. It has an amazing rhythm to that falters just slightly in the middle but the short absence of it makes it all the more noticeable when it returns. I would say it's one of those pieces that is even better as spoken verse than if it's read individually.