More of You might be a goth if...

Post by **Bone** » Sat Jul 09, 2005 12:34 pm

You might be a Goth if:

You pay 12 bucks for cigarettes that match your outfit
You wear sunglasses in a department store at night
You won't get in a fight because it might smudge your make up
You wake up still drunk at 3 in the afternoon with anonymous black lipstick on your face
People can't tell whether you're searching for a missing contact or dancing
The only day you feel normal is Halloween
You don't know if the person you're sleeping with is guy or girl 'til you get to third base
You don't care
The shade of powder you wear is called "Sheet Of Paper"
You were rooting for the vampires in "From Dusk Til Dawn", "Lost Boys", etc.
The Count was your favorite Sesame Street character as a child
You watch Sesame Street as an adult just to see The Count
You wear long, velvet or leather coats in the middle of summer
You think dead flowers are prettier than live ones
You think anything dead is pretty
You refer to your age in mortal years
You give yourself the honorary title of Lord or Lady
You dressed as The Crow for Halloween one year
You have dressed as The Crow for Halloween the past few years
You"ve been dressing like the Crow since Halloween two years ago
The club you frequent has concocted an original drink called "The Vampire's Kiss"
You buy $15 fishnets and rip them on purpose
You think blood is "pretty"
Your combat boots cost more than it takes to feed a third world child for two years
You've willingly undergone cosmetic dental surgery
You own 16 or more Sisters of Mercy c.d.'s
Friday the Thirteenth is your lucky day
You can't decide whether Morticia Addams or Lily Munster is prettier
You decide Wednesday blows them both away
You could easily blow $500 in a Halloween store
You could spend $500 just on make up
You could spend $500 just on make up... in a halloween store
You were disappointed to find out that "American Gothic" is a portrait of two farmers
You claim the Columbine kids are friends/relatives of yours
You own a hearse
You own a hearse and don't work in a funeral parlor
You keep a coffin in the back as "decoration"
You keep a coffin in the back as a bed
You think of the hearse as the "family car"
You think heresy is a religion
You claim heresy as YOUR religion
You own a rosary that you wear
You own many rosaries that you wear
You own a glow-in-the-dark rosary that alternates between your neck and the rearview mirror in your hearse
You fashion your eyeliner after a culture that's been dead over 2000 years
You wish to name your first born Lestat
You plan to name your first born after ANY Anne Rice character
You didn't know they were characters
You think bats are "cute"
You argue on whether Poppy Z. Brite or Anne Rice has the more realistic view on vampires
You can debate both sides of that argument
You've participated in one of those "Do you think Tom Cruise was good as Lestat?" conversations
You've started one of those conversations
You and your friends enjoy congregating in a local graveyard
No one you know is buried there
You and your friends take lengthy drives to visit non-local graveyards
You take pictures of the gravestones while reciting Oscar Wylde or singing "Cemetry Gates" by The Smiths
You know the words to "Cemetry Gates" by The Smiths
You know who The Smiths are
Your favorite poem is "The Raven" by Edgar Allen Poe
Your favorite poem is "Metamorphosis of a Vampire" by Charles Baudelaire
You spell Vampire either Vampyre or Vamphyre
Your boyfriend complains that his ribs just don't stick out the way they used to
Your girlfriend complains that you look better in her black velvet skirt than she does<
You refer to others as "The Normals" or even "the Norms"
You refer to your leather-clad brethren as "Those Industrialites" or "Industrial-heads"
You can reminisce through all 4 names the Saphir had and all 6 reopenings the Sphinx had
You can't even tell whether you're looking for a missing contact or dancing
You are happy when no one has ever heard of your favorite band
When someone else "discovers" your favorite band, you find another favorite band
Christians accost you with pamphlets on the street frequently
Jehovah's Witnesses accost you with pamphlets on the street frequently
You accost Christians with pamphlets on the street
Satanists just look at you and smile
You laugh hysterically during those Church Of Latter-Day Saints commercials
You call for the free Bible anyway
You take great pleasure in vandalizing said Bible after waiting impatiently by your mailbox for 4-6 weeks
You stop vandalizing the Bible momentarily to look up Psalm 69
In your honest opinion, the image of Jesus ruins the beauty and natural fluidity of the cross
You've been with your significant other for over a year and still wonder what they look like without make up
You and your boyfriend fight over make up
You decide to get matching his/hers make up caddies to separate your make up
You smudge your lipstick on purpose to look like Robert Smith
You eat those limited edition pop-tarts just because they have bats on them
You save them because Hey!...they're limited edition
You call them goth-tarts
You know what Renfield's Disease is
You have Renfield's Disease
You have taken anything on this list personally
You were offended

If you enjoyed this list check out http://gothinthenight.gothicunderworld.com/

Post by **Bone** » Sat Jul 09, 2005 12:37 pm

Oh and, You "might" be a posuer goth if:

You wear a leather trenchcoat... always.
You think you're a vampire, demon or some other foolish thing.
You pretend your a vampire, demon or other foolish thing.
You have ever refered to non-goths as "mortals".
You change the letter "I" into "Y" or vice-versa (ex: Goth Boi or Vampyre).
You wear fake fangs.
When you're at a Goth club people point and laugh.
You go around telling everyone about your blood fetish.
Your mommy and daddy buy your clothes.
You don't know who Peter Murphy is.
Your idea of the ultimate Goth song is "Bela Lugosi's Dead".
Your makeup stops before your neck.
You're e-mail starts with "death" "blood" or "night".
You're e-mail ends with "demon" "raven" or "mistress".
You're online nick includes "Lilith" "Byron" or "Crow".
Your idea of a great Friday night is hanging out at the mall.
You listen to Marilyn Manson and think he's goth.

Post by **Bone** » Sat Jul 09, 2005 12:38 pm

one more
You might be a goth redneck if:

Your coffin is up on blocks.
Your hearse has a shotgun rack.
Your wife-beater shirt is black.
Your coon dogs are named Bela and Lestat.
You have a pair of black latex overalls, with no crotch.
You drink the blood of animals at night, and then sodomize them.
You have hickeys with fang marks.
You check the blood type of your victim with a dipstick.
You don't have two front teeth, but you do have fangs.
Your banjo is made of human flesh and bone.
You hold late night walks and poetry readings, in a junkyard.
Your coffin is lined with a velvet confederate flag.
Your hearse's horn plays the first few notes of Dixie, in D minor.
Your hearse has Playboy mudflaps.
Your coffin liner is black and grey plaid.
Your hearse is jacked up and sports dear lights.
You smoke cloves in a corncob pipe.
You dye your sheep black.
You have elbow length black latex gloves, covered in pig shit.
Your oh-so-spooky homepage is at http://www.y'all.com.
That's engine grease on your face, not makeup.
Your bull's nose is pierced 6 times.
Even your teeth are black.
You have a black velvet Elvis painting, postmortem.
Your hearse has a trailer hitch.
You slit your wrists after your sister breaks up with you.
You draw the line at drinkin' the blood o' colored folk.
You write Gothic poetry about your "Achey Breaky Heart."
Your closing remark at a funeral is "Y'all come back now, hear?"
Your rooster crows at moon rise.
All the cars and car parts in your yard can be seen as a pentacle from low flyingt aircraft.
Your favorite brew is "Blood Light".
Your pick up truck is up on headstones.
You have a flatbed hearse.
Barbed wire is not only functional but a fashion statement for your house.
You have spent your life perfecting black corn.
Your great granddaddy still sits in his favorite rocking chair even though he is dead.
You go to the family grave plot to pick up girls.
Your coffin has a side-mounted spitoon.
You fantasize about your sister while listening to "Sisters of Mercy".
Your favorite monster truck is "Grave Digger".
You have a giant pentagram belt buckle.
You have a bumper sticker that says "The dead will rise again".
You're too depressed for incest.
Your granny crochets your fishnets.
You make bondage jewelry out of old tires.
You name your lice after members of the Cure.
Your favorite comic is "Johhny the Homicidal Farmer".
You have a red flannel trenchcoat.
You brand your cattle with the Bauhaus logo.
You are the 7th son of a 7th son and your sister.
You bought Project Pitchfork thinking it was a country album.
Your top hat has a "John Deer" patch on the front.
You own the entire Anne Rice collection but it just sits there because you're can't read.
You claim that the bullet holes in your broken television set show your 'artistic side' and reflect your "distaste for the media".
You have an Elvira pinup in your outhouse.
Someone yells "Hoedown!" and your dominatrix hits the floor.
You get up at 4 AM every morning to collect eggs from the raven coop.
You think black tape for a blue girl is a way to fix your chevy.
Your beer cans have fang marks.
Your wife, mother, sister and dominatrix are all the same person.
It's easier to get a pet alligator than a rat.
You play a recording of "Amazing grace" backwards to hear the hidden messages.
You and your pitbull share the spiked collar.
Your PVC/Fishnet shirt has your name on the pocket.
You have been known to shoot at the sun.
You can't wear a black wool sweater because it reminds you of your first love.

debaser · Post by **debaser** » Sat Jul 09, 2005 12:52 pm

People can't tell whether you're searching for a missing contact or dancing

Comedy Fucking Gold!

So that's what you all have been doing all these years...

iblis · Post by **iblis** » Sat Jul 09, 2005 1:33 pm

You accost Christians with pamphlets on the street

Hey, that sounds like fun.

The Mormon thing, I've seen done. It's probably not worth it. They send you a free Bible, but they also send missionaries to your door. I mean, if you plan on beating them up and taking their bikes, it might be worth the effort...

Snap Dragon · Post by **Snap Dragon** » Sun Jul 10, 2005 4:04 am

LMAO.... Some of my friends need to read that second one! HA ha ha!