Pass

MahoganyDawn · Post by **MahoganyDawn** » Mon Jul 21, 2003 4:43 am

Cold comfort as your passion sways.
Faded into a friend marked by another.
All the pain that has been woven.
Fears of something not quite what you would have chosen.

No pretty in pink.
Intelligent in black.
Cold comfort as my tolerance sways.
Physical eyes glued to outward covers.

Inner eyes shut to pure beauty.
Anorexic pallor does not suit me.
Nor with feigned laughter trick.

No light summer reading.
I'm a novel.

EDITED: To reflect breaks in breath.. thanks sonic!

Sonicgoo · Post by **Sonicgoo** » Mon Jul 21, 2003 10:59 am

Hello MahoganeyDawn

I enjoyed reading your poem as I do most of your post. Sort of a gothic Mae West Piece of work lol.

I would like to have some paragraph breaks, I think it would read a bit better.

Just cosmetic criticism hope ya don't mind.

my favorite line is "Faded into a friend marked by another

MahoganyDawn · Post by **MahoganyDawn** » Wed Jul 23, 2003 1:05 pm

Sometimes I forget to put in breathing space. ;o) My notebooks are filled with solid pages with only lines marking where the breaks should be. Thanks for the help and the compliments!