5/6/03

[kissmeblack]

It's too hard to stop this cycle, he said through heavy veined eyes. And you're too good to turn away, but this illness is uncureable. I can't be who I am and I will never let you know. The person everyone else knows is just my little toy. Play with it, my pain can be your muse. I can't make you any promises, he whispered under his breath. Lying under his warm body, I struggle within myself not to ask any more questions. I have tried so hard not to become exactly what he hates.

I know the shadow that hides behind his walls. Inside him I had everything I wanted. He told me what he dreamed of and about his younger life, we wrote our own storybook and modified the ends. I now feel that my turn has passed.

He said these things only to me.

On the way home, he couldn't have been any closer. His warmth between my thighs and the way his body felt as we slept...the smoothness of his hands and the smell of his hair. I laid awake, taking all of this in, remembering what he told me. He would be there, always, loving me, always.