The First way The World Ends.

[Celestial Dung]

This is how the world ends.

Eating at Denny's with a group of like minded dancers I expressed my desire to plan my own apocolypse. I've seen three ways the world can end. This is one.

ESCAPE
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The Asshole Preacher Man was my favoirte guy on the streets. The Old City has had it's share of creepy preachers to be sure some of them even recorded for prosperity on tape. But this dude took everything.

"Assholes! This world is dominated by Assholes. They take up our space. They eat our food. They drink our wine. And then do you wanna know what they do. Do you wanna know what these Assholes do to top all it off. They bitch about the quality of our space, of our food, of our wine. See not only do they have to be agressive leeches they have to be bitchy about it. And they're everwhere. They're not just in the gutter, not just in the White House, they are everwhere."

I loved him. His voice was so strong so persuasive and so baritone. That's the one thing a preacher has to have, a baritone voice. A voice that reaches down to the gut and brings out the bass. And he had it. I mean he not only had a natural baritone quality to his voice but he was able to manipulate his tone to reach a more level, more agressive, a more rich quality.

And what he said, dear god I dont' see how he could see what he said.

"And in the last days there shall be a multitude, a army, a mob of Assholes. They shall bring down the earth with their arrogant posture, their agressive leeching. I mean the world is going to be just fine, going along as it always has enjoying itself taking a steam bath and lo here comes the Assholes. And every generation, every new birth, the Assholes will increase in their number. Until one day the entire world will be filled up with Assholes. Ever person in the world will degenerate into an Asshole. The Earth itself will form into an Asshole. Do you want to be on the turd that rides off of this asshole? I don't want to be on the turd riding off of this asshole."

Actually he was kind of popular at first. I mean think about it you got some guy telling you that the world is full of assholes you're going to agree with him. Plus he had a sort of pathetic look about him. His dreadlocks were starting to thin on top and let me tell you there's nothing more pathetic then thinning dreadlocks. It gets to the point where only ten hairs are holding a strand to the head. And it's sad you know. You know that it hurts, I mean that has to really pull on the scalp but he's too proud to cut it. Most of us would be too proud to cut it you know.

His rags were torn jeans and a collection of Rasta type T shirts. He used to have this Bob Marley/Lion Shirt that had to be killer when it was first made. When I saw himn it was faded with a giant hole is Marley's eye. Made it look as if Marley had a black hairy nipple for an eye and that amsused me kind of. I was twenty five then and didn't take the Asshole Preacher as serioulsy as I do now.

I was twenty five and I had a girl I used to hang out with. I think I was go lucky but I'm not sure. I gave money to the bums on the street without thought of future reward. I opened doors for everyone regardless of age, gender, or deformity. Ok So I expecially liked opening doors for the mishshapen people as their faces brightened up the faster. Susie was the girl I hanged with and we always had a good time with each other. Make no Expectations, Make no Promises.

Let me tell five years after.

Everyone is getting hotter. Ten people on Broadway tried to bump into me because I wasn't going fast enough and I flipped them off everyone. My new job at Wendy's it was bust. Customers screamed at me because their fries were not crispy enough not golden enough like the fried at McDonalds. I saw a guy punch a granny type woman because she didn't pick up the Apartments For Rent Broshure fast enough. I saw a stabbing. She stabbed him because the flowers were not big enough.

Susie left me when I screamed at her. The dishes were piling up and I swear she did most of the cooking. Whoever makes the mess must clean the mess. She left me after shredding my zines to pieces. I had collected them for ten years each one a piece of confetti. I spent the rest of the day sulking and throwing words like fireballs.

I was Red all the time. Red with Heat and Fury boiling over the tea kettle. Everyone I knew had the disease except for miracles inknown I knew something was up. Everyday the Asshole Preacher was speaking to me through memory. I dreamed about him riding a giant Turd toward the heavens away from the planet that was shaped like an asshole.

Federal Police are patrolling the streets to prevent to prevent the violence that has been flooding. No, It has been flooding bodies are picked up in the streets in buckets. They say the Government will help us with this. The United Nations are planning task forces but they're all Assholes. Everyone is slipping into assholedom until eventually we shall kill each other over the price of a bannanna.

But I travel and not so far either. The crack runs across the Old City Wouldn't you believe it. This crack runs across oceans and land a unnatural anomolity that has been ignored for the Reds. The smell it naturally rancid and dank I jump in holding my breath until I collapse on a black turd hurling toward the sky gravity be damned I'm away.

[Lost Traveler]