Flirting 101: Philosophy, Etiquette, and Thoughts

[div]

Okay, this has come up in conversation quite a few times (big surprise there - conversations about flirting while i'm around), and I thought I'd start a thread on it.

Most everyone who's spent much time in chat (esp. during the days) recently will be aware of my opinions and thoughts on flirting. Any females that don't, feel free to drop me a PM... I'll be happy to remedy the situation.

Back to the point: I'm starting it in the dumpster (that's where all my posts seem to end up anyways... ) but I'm serious about the topic. I'd like to hear other's opinions on flirting. From all perspectives. And lets not limit this to flirting online, but include RL as well, because.... well, face it... flirting online is an exercise in futility. However much fun it might be.

So, let's hear it... Some questions just to get things started...

Do you think it's okay to proposition someone the first time you meet?

Which do you prefer, subtlety and innuendo or direct aggressiveness?

What "tactics" will turn you immediately away?

Oh... and let's keep this just to flirting... we'll leave the actual sex and foreplay to KF...

[faeriegirl]

let me get back to you on this one...

[candicide]

Do you think it's okay to proposition someone the first time you meet?

Which do you prefer, subtlety and innuendo or direct aggressiveness?

What "tactics" will turn you immediately away?

1: I think that it depends on the mutual comfortability level. Sometimes you meet someone, and your personalities just click so well, your sense of humours just mesh....in those cases, yes...I think it's perfectly fine.

2: Subtlety, definately. I enjoy coy, mysterious, vague flirtations. I like to try to guess on whether or not my pursuer is serious.

3: I strongly dislike being pursued by someone who is going out of their way to impress me, or who is obviously putting on a front because they think that is what I want from them. I am not a fan of fakeness. Oh! And I hate it when people find out what my likes/dislikes are, and then completely alter their likes/dislikes in order to have something in common with me.

I am a flirt. Depending on the person and the feeling that I get from them (I try to hold back when I think the individual isn't comfortable with that), I pretty much instantly sex people up. Of course, it's all in fun, because I am a monogamous, engaged person....but I'm a Scorpio. It's in my nature to be a sexpot and threaten to feel random people up. My fiance is okay with it...he'd have to be...he's a very flirtatious person also. It works because we know the difference between friendly flirting and acting on those flirtations.

Anyway, I think that flirting is very healthy, and I don't think it should always be taken as seriously as it usually is.

[The Stormstress]

Do you think it's okay to proposition someone the first time you meet?

Which do you prefer, subtlety and innuendo or direct aggressiveness?

What "tactics" will turn you immediately away?

1. Sure, something like... "Nice ass... wanna fuck?" ... Just know that it'll likely b a one night stand.

2. Playful inuendo can help determine interest, then u gotta pounce!

3. Redneck mating calls like: "Whooo-hooo!", "Damn, u look good gurl!", & "Did it hurt... when u fell from heaven?" r instant turn-offs. Also, I generally consider bragging a sign of inferior genitalia & performance. Finally, speaking as a stipper who hears this way 2 often, offering $ 4 sex only works with whores & guarantees that u get no action with n e one else u ask!

All in all, the flirting must b matched with the intended target. Different peeps respond 2 different approaches.

[Nexxus23]

Do you think it's okay to proposition someone the first time you meet?

Which do you prefer, subtlety and innuendo or direct aggressiveness?

What "tactics" will turn you immediately away?

Yes, if those are your intentions. Don't "play" me with an attitude of friendship if all's you want is a screw.

Personally, I'm an idiot and don't get subtlety. Just be obvious about it. Aggressiveness can make me uncomfortable, though.

See Storm and Candicide's examples above. *shudder*

[miz kitty]

I think flirting is harmless...it's just flirting. Take that with a grain of salt, I am a major flirt. I think as long as it doesn't cross the line of too much groping (i.e. sexual harrassment). I agree with Candicide, a lot of it depend on comfort level. I guess I'm going to take the cheesey playboy interview approach to the topic:

Turn-ons: Humor, Intelligence, Playfulness, Honest Directness ("I just wanted to tell you, you look very sexy tonight"), and a great smile often says for than words ever will.

Turn-offs: Cheesey pick-up lines used seriously, bragging about money, how many chicks you've "bagged", or endowment, bad breath, False Flattery ("Has anyone ever told you, you look like a supermodel?")

I also think the eyes say a lot. Sometimes a stolen glance is the most thrilling flirtation of all.

[div]

Is flirting with someone who's in a relationship already okay?

At what point does it cease to be flirting and become foreplay?

Does flirting necessarily signify intent? (would you flirt with someone who you'd under no circumstances be willing to take things farther than flirting?)

What's the best "line" you've seen used sucessfully ( not cheesy found-this-in-a-book-called-10-Million-Pick-Up-lines... looking for real attempts here.... )

[The Stormstress]

Is flirting with someone who's in a relationship already okay?

At what point does it cease to be flirting and become foreplay?

Does flirting necessarily signify intent? (would you flirt with someone who you'd under no circumstances be willing to take things farther than flirting?)

What's the best "line" you've seen used sucessfully ( not cheesy found-this-in-a-book-called-10-Million-Pick-Up-lines... looking for real attempts here.... )

1. Yes.
2. When it's followed by sex.
3. No... If it did, then strippers would b 2 busy gettin' it on 2 dance!
4. As a hot chic, I have no need 4 lines.

[candicide]

Is flirting with someone who's in a relationship already okay?

At what point does it cease to be flirting and become foreplay?

Does flirting necessarily signify intent? (would you flirt with someone who you'd under no circumstances be willing to take things farther than flirting?)

What's the best "line" you've seen used sucessfully ( not cheesy found-this-in-a-book-called-10-Million-Pick-Up-lines... looking for real attempts here.... )

1: Yes. I encourage people to hit on me....and I am very flattered when people hit on my man. There is a line, though...friendly flirtations are one thing, you know? Just don't make out with him.

2: When it gets physical, I think...I mean, more than just dancing or poking or hugging....when you start reaching "bases", it's moved forward a step or two.

3: Oh no. Flirting does NOT mean that you intend to follow through with anything....but it is best to let the person you're doing the flirting with know that you're just kidding, just playing. Flirting is fun, but not when it hurts someone else's feelings.

4: Best pickup line? I've actually seen a young man take the direct approach and ask the girl he was interested in if she wanted to have sex. She reached in her bag and handed him an orange condom, and they left the party. Sometimes, you just need to be straight forward in order to get what you want, I suppose!

[miz kitty]

I think flirting with some one who is in a relatuonship is perfectly fine, as long as all parties understand that's all it is. I love it when women flirt with my husband, especially if they are attractive. He is very tolerant of people being flirtatious with me, which is a good thing because I enjoy it as well. I can't take jealousy in a person.

Flirtation stops and foreplay begins when physical pleasure becomes involved.

Flirtation doesn't always have intent...or at least I hope it doesn't...if it does I am in big trouble!

I'm not 100% sure of online flirting ettiquite because I am sort of new at this. It probably isn't a good idea to call any part of the anatomy part of your computer..that's just cheesey.

[div]

Do you think it's okay to proposition someone the first time you meet?

Of course it is. But just because you can, doesn't mean you should. Personally.... Physical attraction isn't enough for me to initiate sex. There has to be some mental and emotional involvement there too. Which takes time. Sometimes, it only takes a few hours though...

Which do you prefer, subtlety and innuendo or direct aggressiveness?

I prefer that the person be theirself. If you're an aggressive person - be aggressive. If your shy and prefer subtlety... be subtle. There's something to be said for all personality types, and all styles of flirting. Although there's just something about a normally shy girl getting tired of waiting and becoming aggressive....

What "tactics" will turn you immediately away?

Self pity. Whining. Women who are desperate for attention. Guilt trips.

Is flirting with someone who's in a relationship already okay?

Anything goes - as long as both parties are willing.

At what point does it cease to be flirting and become foreplay?

When both parties decide they're serious. When only one party is serious, and the other is still playing - that's the precursor to stalking

Does flirting necessarily signify intent? (would you flirt with someone who you'd under no circumstances be willing to take things farther than flirting?)

I'll flirt with most anyone. I won't, however, take just anyone to bed. Flirting signifies that you're a flirt. Not that you're a slut.

What's the best "line" you've seen used sucessfully ( not cheesy found-this-in-a-book-called-10-Million-Pick-Up-lines... looking for real attempts here.... )

One of my former roommates was the master of cheesy pick-up lines. His theory was that if he hit on 100 women every day, at least 3 would come home with him that night. Reality was that he'd hit on about 50 women a day, and usually bring 4 or 5 of them home. The lines don't matter. It's all in how you treat the women.

But... the funniest I ever saw was a girl that came home with another of my roommates. She came out of his room looking rather disappointed, and Sean (the cheesy line master) looked over at her and said, "Would you like to have it done right?"... they didn't come out of his bedroom until 2 days later.

[realgonepaleface]

You should not have posted these things. I am learning alot and now I will be on the prowl. that could be very dangerous.

[labluegirl]

what i want to know is, how does one gracefully deflect flirting, without being like "hello my name is cathy-i-have-a-boyfriend"?

i tend to run away, but i sense that's not the nicest thing to do.

[white_darkness]

what i want to know is, how does one gracefully deflect flirting, without being like "hello my name is cathy-i-have-a-boyfriend"?

i tend to run away, but i sense that's not the nicest thing to do.

I have a young lady friend with the same issue, but not armed with the boyfriend excuse. This would be good for her.

The only answer I was able to give ws for her to give the proverbial finger.

[Celestial Dung]

Actually mentioning a significant other is one of the nices ways to divert fliritng I think. Just mention him/her casually.

[div]

what i want to know is, how does one gracefully deflect flirting, without being like "hello my name is cathy-i-have-a-boyfriend"?

i tend to run away, but i sense that's not the nicest thing to do.

Well, to be honest, telling me you have a boyfriend wouldn't defelect me one bit.... But if you really did want me to stop, or leave you alone altogether, the easiest and quickest way is to tell me.
"Div, you make me uncomfortable, stop." is all it takes. No one gets offended, no one thinks anyone is stuck up or conceited, and everyone knows where they stand.

then there's the Real Genius approach. Ask the guy if he can hammer a six inch spike through a board with his penis. A girl does have to have standards, after all...

[ReddErin]

I find "fuck off" to be a good way to tell people I'm not interested.

[Nemesis]

Fuck off is good... also another good one to add to the arsenal is "Do you smell that? Did you fart or do you always smell like shit?" That one usually keeps 'em busy for a little while...

[jenna]

what i want to know is, how does one gracefully deflect flirting, without being like "hello my name is cathy-i-have-a-boyfriend"?

i tend to run away, but i sense that's not the nicest thing to do.

i've found that actions and body language often work far better than words. If you are interested in someone, lean towards them slightly while talking, make eye contact, and touch them lightly.
If your not interested first step of flirt deflection is the opposite. i call it "Ice Queening" Keep your arms crossed, don't lean towards them, don't make eye contact, and have clearly defined personal space. Usually that works.
If not move onto walking away from them and starting up a conversation with someone else. That takes care of the majority too dense to pick up on the more subtle hints.
If someone still hasn't picked up on the fact that you really don't want them around and is being rude about it, a punch in the nose or kick in the balls will pretty well get the point across to anyone.

All of this applies pretty much to club pick-ups. If a long term friend of mine is over-stepping flirt bounds, the verbal communication "i like you but.... (insert whatever reason for not being interested that won't cause hurt feelings) " is the best way to decline but keep the friendship going.

[Imp]

Do you think it's okay to proposition someone the first time you meet?

Which do you prefer, subtlety and innuendo or direct aggressiveness?

What "tactics" will turn you immediately away?

Is flirting with someone who's in a relationship already okay?

At what point does it cease to be flirting and become foreplay?

Does flirting necessarily signify intent?

What's the best "line" you've seen used sucessfully?

And the resident Imp answers questions...
propositioning me the first time I meet you is a quick way to get "what the hell" out of me. I am a major flirt but that's a bit much. I can't mentally figure people out enough to guage proper responses to anything in one meeting.

I like both subtlety and aggressiveness, depending on my mood and the other person. This one is completely dependant on circumstances.

Let me think... intense stupidity, failure to pick up on the 'That's enough, stop it now' cues, and point-blank insistance will all make me get up and walk away, if not kick you first.

I'm in a relationship. I am, in fact, married. It has yet to stop me from flirting. It's not ok to flirt with someone who does not wish you to flirt with them- single or attached. It is not ok to make someone uncomfortable.

Foreplay depends entirely upon the person. For some, a certain glint in the eye can be considered foreplay. For others, there's no such thing as foreplay- it's either flirting or sex. I consider it foreplay when someone is naked.

Flirting does not necessarily signify intent. Not by a long shot.

I really haven't seen a great number of "lines" used, but I believe that a good back rub will work a lot better than lines. Upon our first meeting, my husband rubbed my shoulders for a good three or four hours straight, and we were married in less than a year...