Underworld 2

The Fallen · Post by **The Fallen** » Fri Jan 20, 2006 9:35 pm

Underworld: Evolution
Trust Hollywood to prove the theory of evolution in the worst way possible. Yes.. It's true, but is there any worth in watching pure crap evolve?

Here we have the sequel to Underworld and iffy movie at best. So first off let's pretty much drop the whole storyline of the previous movie and do something completely different... Yeah! Let's do a love?lust?fuck? story (for all of 6 mins screen time) of two supernatural creatures that are hated enemies and their quest to fulfill the typical hollyweird plot 16b(the rest of this waste of celluloid)

So we have our tragic heroine (in a leather catsuit) who kicks ass! Yay! Who the fuck wanted to see acting anyways. Of course kick ass chicks seems to be the order of the day for Hollywood, but then they have to ruin it by putting in touching, emotionally tender scenes with even crappier acting and not even a good tit shot(thats what you get for marrying the director, toots) . NEEEXXXT!

On the other hand, we have Bucky the Newbie-Hybrid Blunder (ok so he looks more like a blue Creature of The Black Lagoon then some werewolf/vampire thing) who pretty much looks clueless and gets his ass kicked throughout the whole movie, but hey he gets to be Beckinsale's little puppy.

Oh did we mention the Blue Blunder was a deus ex machina... but that seems unfair to lil ole Kate so guess what, here comes great granddaddy to make her into a deus ex machina vamp style, while he dies in an extremely tacky and retarded way.

Oh and let's drop the modern lycans out of the picture entirely... and kill off the sub-nemesis in another tacky and retarded 2 minute scene.

Now I can go on and do the whole spoiler thing but no, I want you to suffer like I was made to suffer. Go forth my minions, and waste a good hour and a half of your life. Thank the goddess this was shorter then usual.

Underworld 2 after-party line starts at the bathroom door, if ya want to start early, bring a bucket.

junkie christ · Post by **junkie christ** » Fri Jan 20, 2006 10:43 pm

Ok, to quote Mos Def, i got beef.
hell yes i spoil in this one for once. but i warned the block its in
Seriously.

now i actually enjoyed the first movie alot except for the ending. same holds true in the sequel, spare a few bitches. but the big bitch of the last 1/3 of the movie is infinitely worse than the first movie, unless you have the IQ of a gopher and dont predict every bad plot twist. if you rode the short bus to the film, your gonna love the end.the sequel was very enjoyable to me except some minor details until the last strech. it was van helsing level bad. and it reaalllllllllly let me down from what could have been a good exploit-a-scene flick that succeeds where attempts like charmed and buffy failed HORRIBLY.
they came close, but they fucked it up SO BAD in its last 1/3 of the movie i honestly reccomend to go watch it so you can watch your hopes and dreams die like its prom night all over again. you get all worked up and excited for punch to be spilled on your dress, you get slipped a roofie, and you wake up with the janitor and your dads videotaping it.
seriously
its THAT much a let down in the last bit. if it was JUSt the ending i dont think i woulda been so pissed.
Lets go down the list of reasons the first underworld was stomachable, and a few things they coulda improved on.. in comparison to the second.

1) i enjoyed the first movies use of music in scene (the lycan transformation set to the judith remix danny lohner did was fucking bad ass. point blank).
this only occurs ONCE in the new movie for about ten seconds. how fucking disapointing.

which leads me to point two.

2) the soundtrack for the first movie was proof danny lohner needs to produce EVERY soundtrack that comes out. if its not liscenced music, hes on every song somewhere, even the bowie remix.
hes NOWHERE TO BE SEEN IN THIS SOUNDTRACK EXCEPT A LEFTOVER SONG RECORDED (pusifier) FROM THE LAST DAMNED MOVIE. also the only song they used in the movie.
thank god because this soundtrack IS FUCKING EMO. my personal aversion to the genre aside, it DOESNT FIT THE FUCKING MOVIE. so maybe its a GOOD Thing we didnt get any of it cept the one decent song.

3) the blue frame is back, but horribly out of place without the urban sprawl that made the scenery in the first movie work. its attempts to accent snow just made me swear off blue slush drinks forever.

4) the plot of the firstone was a patchwork of throwtogether and definitly its weakest part. now in the first hour of underworld 2 they really fix that shit up. it looks coeshive and fresh.
UNTIL.
they make it STUPID. i mean VERY STUPID.
Retarded mute children with no eyeballs seemed to muse out the lameass plot for the last half hour.

5)the last half hour of underworld was awesome actions with stupid plot
this was not only left the same in the sequel THEY MADE IT A 1,000 TIMES WORSE.

calling these plot twists stupid is an insult to stupid people.
**spoiler begins here**
for no good reason the hybrid is killed in battle.
celine CARRIES HIS BODY IN A BODY BAG WITH HER to the final battle, obviously showing hes gonna pull some lameass 7th day from the dead shit and a potentially hairy moment for her.
and thats exactly what we get.
retarded in EVERY SENSE OF THE WORD.
so since nothing kills these two love birds, underworld three should be a Mr.and Mrs. smith style flick of the breakup where they kill each other over and over, fuck the corpse, then it reanimates.
**spoiler ends here**

6)the ending of this movie is so laughable its pathetic.
it was made worse by the moron in front of me talking about how pretty it is.

i want to give this movie a 3 outta five, but the ending was too horrid. but it was too good for an obvious 2. so ill say its a 2.5 if you REALLY enjoy the first 2/3, but for most people a scant 2 if not 1 out of 5. its a really tough call to rate it because it had good things. riddled in crap. just like your childhood.

B_Ko · Post by **B_Ko** » Fri Jan 20, 2006 10:57 pm

I figured this movie was going to suck about 30 minutes into the first movie.

But you know what won't suck?

SNAKES ON A PLANE.

Coor · Post by **Coor** » Tue Jan 31, 2006 1:17 pm

The worst part of this movie...

A third will follow.

Mark my words motherfuckers. It was a fill in the gaps film and a 3rd will follow.

Which depresses me to absolutly no fucking end, and I can see now why getting into the top 100 for my intership wasn't so hard if this is what filmmaking is coming to. Chirst, could it getmore worse.

The flash backs, the acting, and oh god the convience. Also...

Don't show a frame of someone reloading, and not chambering and then shooting...and then 10 seconds later show them chambering after the reload. No.

Oh, and dear Michael. WTF?! That guy was dead for a good few hours, and now he's fucking Captin America?! No.

Just no.

God I hope that they forgot to report my 8 dollars for this piece of shit.

Lady A · Post by **Lady A** » Thu Feb 02, 2006 12:06 am

My opinion:

OK for the eye candy (as Bone would put it)

Absolutely horrible if you wanted a plot (just as everyone else here has put it)

They didn't leave poor Michael in the body bag long enough.

And finally:
Yeah, how come she was wearing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING and we still didn't get a tit shot? And where was he putting that thing anyways? Does she have some special vampire hole in her stomach that gets hybrid guys off or something?

Anywhoo....
If you insist, wait for the DVD so you can watch it on fast forward.

junkie christ · Post by **junkie christ** » Thu Feb 02, 2006 12:36 am

Lady A wrote:Yeah, how come she was wearing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING and we still didn't get a tit shot? .

no.fucking.kidding

but it was obviously a body double
those boobs were way bigger than kates. see her other flicks for details. or in this case, detits.